so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
