I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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