he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
