We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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