You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
worst night to have a conscience
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Panties = found
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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