we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
