Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
