i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
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