In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
