and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
