Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
