Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
