I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
