I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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