Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
