glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
