Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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