dude i'm inner monologue high
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
