we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
