so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
