It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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