Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
