i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
