Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
