Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
