I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
