I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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