When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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