she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
