He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
