well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
