The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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