Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
