So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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