if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
