Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
