3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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