This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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