i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
