my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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