Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
