ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
