normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
