hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
