She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
