You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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