She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
