I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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