the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
even my farts smell like vagina
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
