I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
