Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
