I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
