Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
