no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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