i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
