Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
