I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
